I'm Hurt & Just Can't Let Go
Everyone has biases about who they are as a person and I can already tell you I'm no angel, but truthful and kind to my friends I definitely am.
One of my closest girlfriends has completely shut me out. We went out the other night and out of nowhere she began to yell at me and threaten to hit me, saying completely nonsense things, accusing me of doing something I clearly didn't because what she accused me of was legitimately impossible. Completely. Impossible.
That same morning, I paid for her $115.00 spa treatment because she didn't have cash on her, but she e-transferred me the money. Also, that same day, I made her and her friends an expensive dinner that everyone was going to help me pay for. Finally, that same night, I agreed to be the one keeping the tab for drinks open for us at the club.
Right after the club is when she had her emotional outburst, and it's been 2 long days and nights now and no reply to me, although she's been replying to our mutual friends. Also to note, she has my two favorite articles of clothing.
I feel like a complete fool for ever being so nice and putting so much trust in anyone at all. I'm so bothered because she won't even explain herself. I have sent her so many texts just telling her how sad I am and if she could just please explain, again, being so nice even though she doesn't deserve it at all.
I really am trying to just talk to her at this point. She has been so disrespectful and shutting me out like that robbing me of my clothing and money. I'm so unbelievably upset. I have been trying so hard, literally praying that these thoughts go away. But they keep popping into my head. Things that I would do or say to her. It ruins my whole day.
Why do I act as if people are so trustworthy, and why did my closest friend do me so much wrong in one night? I never want to be her friend again, I just want what is mine and I want her to know how she made me feel. But it's wrong, and knowing that makes me cry and cry and cry. I don't know what to do.
As stupid as it may sound I feel like the only help would be to go on a big shopping spree so I can forget about what I have lost...but I don't have money to do that. I'm just worried I'm going to do something that I will regret.
My first thoughts are always destruction; but I have my own place, and she knows where I live. Then I think about going there and at least cussing her out, but again, she knows where I live. And honestly at this point, if she’s now that psycho what does that mean when she actually has a reason to be mad?
I pretty much have had to rule out anything that involved communicating with her. But it's 2:20am and this stupid thing won't let me sleep.
Please help me, anything. Teach me how to move on, how to focus on the now and what really should and does matter. Thank you.