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Hi there, I'm a mother of 3. To make a long story short, my husband whom I've been with for 16 years cheated on me and got two women pregnant in the same year. We're still together but I try so hard to forgive him and I just can't.
We recently had a baby girl. She's 6 months now. People keep saying to forgive and forget but it's not easy at all. I really do try putting the past behind but somehow I just can't.
Every time we argue I keep telling him about what he did to me and his unfaithfulness. I don't know how or what to do again in order to let go.
I love my husband dearly but the trust has totally gone. Nothing he says I believe.
Please help me.
Response from Dr. DeFoore
Hello, and thanks for telling your story here. You're going to have to work through your anger before you will be able to even consider forgiving. I strongly encourage you to write in detail about your pain, and all of the trauma you've been through, using the guidelines on this page. And follow that up with the anger journaling exercises on that same page.
I think you'll also benefit from the following page on relationships: relationship advice.
What I think you will get from this information is that you have to shift your focus off your husband and onto yourself. Become determined to have a good life, and do everything in your power to take care of yourself and be happy. You can't change what he's done, but you can change how you're responding.
Do not let his bad choices destroy you. Of course you do not trust him, that makes perfect sense. When you can, begin making the choice to trust him a little more, and a little more. Hopefully, he won't do anything else to destroy your trust.
You are worthy of respect and loyalty. Get that very, very clear in your heart and mind. Keep your focus there.
My very best to you,
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