I Have A Problem Trusting Those That Have Hurt Or Upset Me
When I love someone I do it with all my heart. Most times that is cherished and respected for a long period of time.
Then, when the new wears off it's like people respect me only because I still love them no matter the things they do or say, not out of respect, but out of irritated duty.
That kills me, and causes me to lack in trust, and hold unknown resentments. Then I become my own worse enemy. I stay hurt and resentful and love becomes laborious. Love is a desired emotion of compassion, not a chore of moral stance.
It is a miserable circumstance for me and all involved. I become angry at everything around me, besides the one hurting me. I lose my sense of consequence, and feel as though I'm a failure no matter my efforts.
Extreme anxiety sets in, depression and anger envelop my feelings and my pain or hurt becomes my only motivator to see things through.
I will fight others at the drop of a hat, even instigate it. It becomes very hard to accomplish anything I begin. I panic and can make little sense of my own self. Memory slips. Pain is in total control.
Response from Dr. DeFoore
Hello Kevin, and thanks for telling your story here. Your situation sounds very unique, and obviously painful for you. I can't tell what is going on with you, from what you've written here, but hopefully you can figure it out for yourself, with the help of the tools I will recommend.
To maybe get a different perspective on relationships, read the following page devoted to that subject: letting go of a relationship.
To deal with your anger, I think that if you follow the guidelines on this FAQ page, it will give you some insight and hopefully some relief.
The bottom line to all of this is that you have to have a good relationships with yourself, or at least be in the process of building one, in order to be successful in relationships with others. Otherwise, you're too dependent on them to make you happy. From what you've written, you may be giving too much of yourself in your relationships. If you read the above referenced pages and follow the recommendations on them, I think you'll find some healing and new directions.
Believe in yourself, Kevin, and make up your mind that you're going to master the art of creating happy, fulfilling relationships. You can do this.
My very best to you,
P.S. If you found this to be helpful, please consider making a donation to this site to support our mission to help you become your own best anger management resource.