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I Don't Know What to Do Anymore

by Britany
(North West)

My family has recently moved to a new state and my brother who is two years younger has become very defiant, rude, abusive and is failing most classes in school. Before we moved he was mostly just defiant but when we moved he has never been the same.

He does not have many friends and constantly asks if we will ever move back 'home'. Since we have moved my dad has lost his job and my mom is expecting a new baby in August. My brother was not very happy about the new baby in our life and has made it very clear through the last couple of months. But tonight, we went through the routine I am much too familiar with.

He is failing his English class, and reality hurts. The semester is almost over and he just realized he will not graduate without this final report. My parents asked him to read a section of a book aloud and he refused, they tried continuously to no avail. The volume of the conversation quickly escalated and my dad left the room for a moment and my brother was saying extremely rude things that are not worth repeating.

My mom followed my brother to the front door in his attempt to escape. She being 5 months along in her pregnancy cannot do much physically and he took advantage of this: he said, "I will kill you and the baby." He got out of my mom's grasp and ran out the back door.

My mom had me follow him and I found him hiding in the shed in our backyard. He followed me up the stairs into the house and trampled over my mom (who then yelled out in pain and grabbed her stomach). What do I do? I feel like I am trapped in a horror movie and I want a happy ending.

Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello Britany, and thanks for telling your story here. The sad truth is, it's your parents' job to manage your brother's behavior, not yours. Unfortunately, it sounds like they're not doing a very good job.

You might or might not feel comfortable recommending to your parents that they get the audio program below. They can listen to free previews right away, and if they get a copy through download or buying the CD, they could listen together and get some ideas about how to help your brother.

Meanwhile, for your part, I suggest you try to stay out of the way of your brother's bad behavior as much as possible. In situations like you just described, you could call the police--your brother physically assaulted your mother, and threatened her life and the life of her baby. This should be your parents doing this, but if they don't, for you to call the police on your brother would be better than allowing him to continue to be violent to your mother and threaten her life and that of her baby.

I wish I could be of more help to you, Britany. If you believe in prayer, pray for your brother, and pray for your parents to get the strength and backbone to do the right thing and take charge of their household.

Focus on loving and caring for yourself, Britany. I know this is your family, but it should not really be your problem to deal with.

I wish you and your family the healing and safety you need.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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