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I Don't Feel Loved Any More And My Husband Won't Work

by Veronica
(Blytheville Ar)

I'm with my husband of 9 years. We have our up's & down's but here recently it's been ridiculous. I don't think my marriage is gonna last much longer.

The problem is the last 6 months he has gotten where he wants to call me bad names and he knows that it hurts me so bad. I just don't understand here lately why he has been treating me like this he knows how to push my buttons & I have got to where I can't control my self on my anger & I have been putting my hands on him but he will put his on me as well.

But I don't want a relationship like this. I don't want to be with him anymore because he won't work. All he does is depend on me. It's too much stress on me.

But I feel stuck because his parents are dead & he has no one but me & my family. And plus our 7 year old would be crushed. Anyway, my questions are, how can I start dealing with my situation better then fighting? Should I just try to go ahead and move on? By the way he is 31 years old & I'm 23.

Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello Veronica, and thanks for telling your story here. Your situation is not easy, especially since you have a 7 year old. However, since your husband is not working, and abusive to you, you may not have much choice. It is extremely difficult to live and raise a child under these circumstances, and it's very unhealthy for everyone concerned.

In answer to your two questions: To start dealing with your situation better than fighting, read this page on relationship advice, and follow the guidelines you find there.

In response to your second question about moving on, that is a question only you can answer. Ending a marriage is a very big decision, and staying in an abusive unhealthy relationship is also a big decision. I encourage you to put your own needs and the needs of your child above your husband's needs. He's responsible for taking care of himself as an adult, as you are. But your son depends on you.

Make up your mind that you're going to create a happy healthy life for yourself and your son, and if your husband can participate and contribute to that, then he's on board. If not, you may have to consider moving on. Again, that's up to you.

Believe in yourself, Veronica, take the next best step, and the next, until you are in a better situation.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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Jul 01, 2013
by: Anonymous

Dr.'s advice is, as always great. I just had a comment on your statement about your husband not having anyone else. THAT cannot keep you from making decisions that are more safe and healthy for you and your child. My husband and I went through the anger situations years ago and I forced the issue of counseling. It was much needed as I feel both of you need it as well. IF he will not seek help, you must for your own sanity. There's a mind game abusers play (i.e. calling you bad names, putting you down, making you feel it's 'your fault', etc.)to keep you depressed and feeling "stuck". He's an adult and you do not deserve to be treated disrespectfully!! Where I am not a proponent of divorce, it might be time for tough love where he's given the alternative of counseling or separation. Please take care of yourself before this escalates.(I wonder if he's acting out his anger because he doesn't have a job?) Just asking...

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