I Desperately Want To Hold My Hurt Inner Child
by Phil 3
There's been such distance between me and my inner child all these years, like we'd lost each other. All the years of rejection and feelings of abandonment have roadblocked any communication between us.
When I first looked at wanting to heal emotionally through inner child work several years ago, I felt too laden down with the shame and guilt of abandoning her in the first place and leaving her alone in the experience we both endured. So, I ignored her calling to be reunited with me. I walked away.
The expanse between us instantly grew wider and deeper and higher and in my heart I had given up all together on ever being reunited with her again.
I pushed down the pain and got on with life. But then as time went on, it seemed that no matter which path I chose, somewhere along it's winding road would be my precious little one, there waiting for me - to reclaim me.
Which is where I find myself today, except this time I'm choosing to no longer run. I'm choosing to want to hold her. I'm choosing to seek a way to make it happen. But then in saying that, I can feel that I won't need to do a thing except be willing to take her outreached hand, that she will do the rest. It is she who will heal me so I can in turn heal her.
I'm realizing now just how much we need each other. Neither of us can fully develop in a healthy way or become whole without each other.
I'm excited about the story yet to be written about us.
I sense something is different this time. This time, it's going to be the two of us who will pen our path and direct our scripts, not our circumstances nor the world who have unjustly sat in harsh judgement of us for what seems like an eternity. They don't know us. How can they? We are yet to even know one other, let alone who we will become as a whole.
When I sit and write like this, I feel 'all is well in my world.' I feel quietly content and at peace.
It makes me want to ask myself, 'why haven't you come here before? You could have short-cut so much psychological pain in your mind and emotions.' Yet, perhaps, this is the journey we needed to travel, the two of us, the path we were destined to take, the one that is making us who we were meant to be all along.
And in it, I know it to be one that will be used by God to help others who are lost and seeking a way home, to themselves. Therefore, I'm very grateful for the grace given so we could endure and for the hope we now have.
I close my eyes and thank my Father in heaven, for, but for His grace go I.
And we choose to dedicate this story - our story, to God, for giving us wings to fly!