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I Am Becoming Too Damaged

by Anonymous

I have been living with my girlfriend for 7 months, I changed countries and moved in.

I am not allowed to work, drive or even have a driver's license. This doesn't bother me that much as time will solve it, but the problem is that after arriving here she started exploding in rage for any reason, and now I live on egg shells.

She hits me, throws things, calls me names, tries any wicked mind game to hurt me, keeps on telling me she wants me out of her life, tells me all the time she doesn't love me anymore, and makes up stories to justify her behavior. She becomes a different person when she's angry.

I tried to tell her she has an anger problem and when she's calm and sweet she accepts it and even considers getting some help, but the next time she get's angry she will be using it against me, saying she has no problem whatsoever, that she loves being like this and this is her real self, and my suggestion of her getting help is just me diminishing her feelings because I don't care about it.

I don't want to leave her, because she is the most beautiful and sweet person I ever met, the love of my life, but only when she's not angry.

The problem is that she's having these "attacks" more often and more violent as time passes. I surely don't want to leave her, but I am starting to fear for my own well being.

Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello, and thanks for telling your story here. Your situation sounds serious, and unfortunately not unfamiliar. You are in a battered person syndrome--meaning you are staying in a relationship in which you're being abused, loving the good things about your partner, hoping things will get better while they just keep getting worse.

I strongly encourage you to read the following pages, and follow all of the recommendations:

how to deal with abusive relationships

quotes on relationships

You can't help your partner unless she wants help. She has to acknowledge that she needs help, not just some of the time. She has to seek help for herself and stick with it. If she doesn't do that, things will only get worse.

If you don't take care of yourself, who will?

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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