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I Am Abusing My Fiance And I Want To Stop

by Jessica

Recently I have been abusing my fiance both physically and mentally. He does something to upset me such as staying out late when he said he'd be back and I let it boil until I explode and slap him repeatedly.

I believe I have some sort of blackouts because I don't believe I am conscious while the physical abuse is going on because I often cannot remember exactly what happened.

I also throw personal digs at him about making more money than him because I believe that is the only thing that makes him "need" me.

I come from an extremely hostile environment with my parents. They both emotionally abused me and broke my self esteem. They allowed me to get sexually abused repeatedly by a family member and did nothing about it.

I don't understand why I hurt the one that I love so much, and quite frankly the only person that has ever loved me. I have had counseling before and was told I showed severe signs of Borderline Personality Disorder.

I feel like a monster and I'm ashamed of myself.

Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello Jessica, and thanks for telling your story here. I think you need more help than I can offer here, but I will give you some resources, just in case you're willing to do some work on your own. The ideal thing would be if you could find a good therapist and do long term healing work on your past.

If you're able, I think it will benefit you to do the exercises described on this FAQ page, guiding you to heal the causes of your anger.

I also suggest that you read this page on child abuse, and follow the recommendations you find there.

The most important thing, Jessica, is that you believe in yourself and the well being at the core of who you are. There is more right than wrong with you, and that's why you want to change. The good person you want to be is who you really are.

I wish you all the best in your efforts to heal and create a good life for yourself.

Dr. DeFoore

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