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My husband just hates his mother and the reason he says is she has never loved him.
He is not that successful though is highly educated. He is trying to build a business of his own, which I am sure he will be successful at, seeing his determination. He had chances of going places for work but after his father's death, he chose to stay with his mother as she was too sick and he had a fear she would also die.
He did some small businesses close by, which ultimately didn't make him successful. Now she says he stayed at home as he was lazy to work. She even says she spent a lot of money for his education, etc etc.
The problem is my mother-in-law doesn't really care about my husband or even our son. She doesn't like staying with us. But as per our tradition, mothers should stay with their sons and not daughters. For any word that his mother says (not directly) he overreacts and starts shouting and abusing her.
Though it's never done directly, he will be communicating to me. And he starts drinking and goes about shouting. Then he calls up his sisters and starts calling his mother names and say she is a bitch and things like that. My MIL goes about complaining about my husband to other relatives, which when he hears, again angers him up.
He says his mother is trying to do a character assassination and he wants to do the same back to her. She now stays with her mother and sister which is not really our tradition. And when she is ill or something, she goes and stays with one of her daughters. Now my husband's sisters also hate him for always shouting and abusing his mother.
He is however very loving and caring with me and my son and I am lucky to get a husband like this. He showers his love like anything and is very expressive. So I understand he is a loving person but because of circumstances he is angry with his mother.
What can I do to help him ward away this hatred for his mother? How can I help him cool down?
Response from Dr. DeFoore
Hello Cicily, and thanks for telling your story here. I can certainly see why you want to help your husband with his anger. The problem is that he has to want help, and you cannot be the one to help him. He needs to reach out and seek the help himself, it he is going to get any better.
If you want to, you can refer him to this FAQ page, which will guide him through some steps for healing and understanding his anger.
You can also tell him about our CDs and books, specifically designed to help with his type of problem.
And for your part, I suggest that you read the following page on relationships:
Believe the best of your husband, Cicily, and take very good care of yourself. Expect the best for him and the entire situation, no matter what happens.
My very best to you,
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