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Hurting My Wife's Feelings And I Want To Stop
Most of the time when I get in an argument with my wife, I get really upset because I want her to know and understand I love her and whatever she said at the time (about me not being happy with her) is not true.
I try so hard to relay that message to her, but she is also upset and doesn't understand or want to hear me. That makes me more upset because I really want her to feel love and to believe me when I say I'm happy with her.
I get so angry that I raise my voice (sometimes I don't realize it) because at the time, I believe it would make my wife understand me. I'm hurting my family. She wants to divorce me because of my anger outbursts. I love my wife and kids and I don't want to get a divorce or be away from them. I want my wife to be happy like she's always been.
Please help me. I have been doing better by not continuing the argument but I need your help to improve myself and not lose my family. I don't like the way I feel after...my heart hurts, I'm shaky and feel bad for hurting the person I love. Please, any words of advice will help.
Response from Dr. DeFoore
Hello Erick, and thanks for telling your story here. I respect your willingness to take responsibility for your problem. I noticed you didn't blame anyone else in your story. That makes it much more likely that you will be successful in your efforts to manage your anger.
I suggest you read and follow all of the guidelines on this FAQ page. These are very effective tools, not easy to use, but you will definitely benefit if you do use them.
I think it's great that you want your wife to be happy. Getting emotionally healthy and happy yourself is an important step in that direction, and an essential one. Use the tools I've recommended, and I think it will help you heal and manage your anger, and become more consistently connected with the good man you truly are.
My very best to you,