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My son is a good student and most of the time when he gets upset about something or with someone he is able to control his temper.
But there has been a few times when he has got so upset and angry about something that he doesn't seen to be able to calm down. The times that this has happened, he has been disrespectful towards his father and me.
It seems like when he gets this upset he completely blocks everything and everyone. Even though this is very upsetting to us as parents we try to stay calm and try to reason with him, but I am not sure if this is the right approach anymore.
Response from Dr. DeFoore
Hello, and thanks for telling your story here. Your thinking makes sense to me, in light of what you've written here. When kids get angry, they need to know that doesn't give them permission to be respectful. Being angry is one thing, and being disrespectful is something else.
Tell him that it's fine with you if he feels angry, and that you're sure he has good reasons for what he feels. Also tell him that he will treat you and your husband with respect, or there will be consequences (loss of privileges, for example). He needs to know that his anger does not intimidate you, and the it will not get him out of normal restrictions and guidelines for his behavior.
Here is a web page that will help you further: Parenting Teens with Anger Problems.
Your son needs to feel that you and your husband are the authorities in your home, while still feeling your love and support.
You can do this. Follow these suggestions, and believe in yourself and your son.
My very best to you,
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