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High School: The Best Times of Our Lives (As If!)

by Curtis

I've been neglected ever since I was a child. I'm seen as a moderate student who nobody really cares for. People can get away with doing a lot of harm to me because, in the end, nobody could give less of a crap.

I'm a freshman in highschool and everybody says that your freshman year is your worst. Well, that's true for me because I've been dealing with major depression for most, if not all, of the year.

At one point, I felt that there was hope and that people are generally all "good people". This was taken away from me when I realised that nobody, not even my family love me and that I was an insignificant ink blot on a world made of white.

My life is now starting to look hopeless as I see myself from the perspective of other people and how misunderstood I am. People think I do drugs ( specifically marijuana ) because I show little emotion and am relaxed about how sad (depressed) I am.

Sure I am very weird and introverted, but the people who call me that are the ones who made me this way. Whenever I see a couple cuddling or holding hands, I instantly want to get away from there, because (a) I don't feel welcome even if they are my best freinds, and, (b) because I'm looking at the one thing that I have never had nor will ever have.

Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello Curtis, and thanks for telling your story here. What I hear you saying is that other people just don’t get you. You have accepted your level of sadness and depression, and so you’re very relaxed about it--but they think you’re smoking marijuana, instead of realizing this is just you at this time in your life.

And you don’t feel loved...which makes sense, because if people don’t get you, they can’t really love you either. My question to you is, what do you want? How would you like things to be different? If your depression is too strong, you’ll draw a blank with those questions. But if you have some answers, my suggestion is that you start focusing on what you want, and make up your mind that you’re going to create those outcomes in your life. What you want may be as simple as, “I want to feel better” or “I want to feel loved and understood by someone.”

After you decide what you want, ask yourself: 1) Why do I want it? List all of the reasons you can possibly think of; 2) Why do I think I will have it? This is where you look at all of the reasons you can think of that you might be able to reach your goals; 3) How will I feel when I do have it? Using your imagination, take a little journey in your mind where you already have all of the things you want. Notice how you feel, think and act when you have reached this important goal.

You might also want to check out these treatments for depression (without medication). This page has more practical steps you can take on your own to heal your depression.

You have strengths and skills, Curtis. Focus on those. Be a friend to yourself.

You can do this...believe in yourself.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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