Getting Hit By Lightning
Long story short for both of us. I started meditation about 6 weeks ago but could not come up with any reasons for the intense anger that I was becoming more and more aware of.
My spouse took a vacation day and I woke up wild....just wild. I went into meditation before I blew a fuse and all of a sudden I understood that I was not mad at the spouse, but that I was always angry and my spouse just happened to be there when I was triggered.
I started thinking then how my anger has been my constant companion since I was a child and has been accompanied by tantrums at times, but not within the last eight years.
I did suffer neglect as an infant, and was removed from my home and had to go and live with an aunt when my mother left me as an infant in my crib. My father was working 12 hour shifts and did not know she was leaving me alone...I don't actually feel anger at that situation mainly because I don't remember it, and because it did happen before I was 2 years old.
I think I am that type of person who simmers....where the anger is always there, and everyone can see it except me, and then I am only able to see it when it boils over.
My question is a complex one.
Can childhood abuse ever be truly healed, or is the child always going to suffer in some way or form? I mean the abuse happened, and we can never undo the past.
Anyway, thanks for your input. I appreciate it very much