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I am recently separated. My ex-husband and I are trying to be on friendly terms. However, jealousy has reared its ugly head. He is still living in the same area of the country as me, and spent the day reacquainting himself with an old girlfriend. She posted a response on Facebook recapping their romantic day at the beach together. I was hurt, angry and sad...we literally just separated after a 12 year marriage.
Since he moved out, he still has much of his stuff here (vinyl LPs mostly). After reading his Facebook page, I took out three of his records and scratched them with my keys and put them back in their sleeves.
I don't want to get carried away with this anger anymore. I am just sad and don't know how to communicate this to him.
How can I let go of my anger and desire for revenge?
Response from Dr. DeFoore
Hello Cathy, and thanks for telling your story here. Your feelings are totally understandable. You are early in your grieving process, and for him to be entering a new relationship this soon is naturally painful to you. I will try to help.
I suggest that you start by being very conscious about your grieving process. The following pages will help you with this:
Stages Of Grief
Letting Go Of A Relationship
I also strongly encourage you to begin the three part journaling process you will find described on this page. This will help you review past trauma, vent and process your anger in a healthy way, and begin shifting your focus from the negative to the positive in your life.
Ultimately, Cathy, you need to decide you're going to create a wonderful, happy life for yourself. Use the information and guidelines on the above pages to let go of your husband, and grieving the end of your marriage.
And you might consider staying off of Facebook for a while. Try not to rub salt in your own wound by looking at information that is so painful to you.
You are a good person, Cathy, and you're worthy of a good life, loyalty and love. Love yourself, and be fiercely committed to creating a joyful life for yourself.
My very best to you,
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