Can't Read The Signs Then I Just Flip
(Seattle, Wa, USA)
I am a very mellow and calm person. My girlfriend has been upset with me, and I allow her to be and she yells and yells, and I try not to be defensive and try to figure out what she needs.
Then I just pleaded with her this morning to have a space where I could tell her how I felt, that we be quiet for a minute and that she let me talk, she just kept interrupting and I got frustrated and raised my voice and then she got up and said she was leaving and I didn't let her and I yelled and screamed and pushed her on the bed.
I feel horrible about this. These actions are inexcusable. This woman has helped me raise my 4 year old child (his mother is mentally ill). I have been through lots of trauma in the past few years. I thought I was doing good, I found out my girlfriend was cheating on me and I didn't react in anger. And this last outburst was 5 minutes instead of 20. 3 days ago I went on Wellbutrin because I was hoping it would help with my anger and because I believe I have depression too.
There is a lot going on, I just want to get this out of my life and am willing to do anything.
Response from Dr. DeFoore
Thank you for your submission, Peter. I know a lot of people reading this can relate to what you have been through, and how bad you feel about your behavior. And I know you don't want that to happen again. I respect the action you have taken by writing this and accepting responsibility for your own anger and aggression toward your girlfriend. You can't do anything about her anger, but you are 100% responsible for your own.
Remember that you are a good person inside, and that is why you feel bad when your behavior is harmful to another person. Based on your reaction to your girlfriend's threat to leave, you may have abandonment issues, and if so you need to deal with those.
Take a look at all of the free information available on our free anger management page. You will receive a free Ebook called Anger Management Techniques when you sign up for our Healing Anger Newsletter.
If you are interested, Peter, I offer telephone counseling sessions. Just go to this page to learn more or to schedule a session.
Believe in yourself, Peter. Keep your focus on the person you want to be, and work to heal your anger and pain. You can do this.
My very best to you,