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by Anonymous
My 30 year old college graduate daughter lives with me - pays no rent, and has a part time waitress job. I am retired and separated from my husband. My daughter is a photographer, and makes very little from it.
She does help me around the house, but wants to dictate to me what I should do daily and when I should do it. She criticizes how I do some things or says I am lying if I say I am going to do something at a certain time and then put it off til later. 12 years ago, she had a bout of meningio-enchephalitis, causing her to require a ventilator for more than a week, and was then about 5 months in several rehabilitation facilities.
She recovered sufficiently to earn a BFA from our state university, but seems to still have some short term memory problems, issues with wanting to control situations and easily hurt feelings. I have anger control issues and we argue daily over seemingly trivial things.
I want to get along with her and try to encourage her to get a life of her own, but I know she can't live one her own. I am at my wits end trying to get along with her. What can I do?
Response from Dr. DeFoore
Hello, and thanks for telling your story here. I respect your efforts to help your daughter. I know you want what's best for her, and your current situation does not seem to be working well for either of you. I will try to help.
I have worked as a professional counselor for over 40 years, and in that time I have seen people with very limited skills live successfully on their own. I have known of many individuals with nowhere near your daughter's level of functioning, who were still able to live independently and in many cases support themselves financially.