Anger Affecting My Relationship With My Boyfriend On The Police Force
I am a 21 year old female. I have a 26 year old boyfriend. His current job, special division in the police department, puts a lot of stress and pressure on the both of us.
His job asks him to do certain tasks that I find inappropriate and does not affect our relationship in a positive way. Some of these tasks are set down by his job as a way to protect our relationship. Such as telling him to pretend that I am not his girlfriend, making him tell everyone that someone else is his girlfriend, and that we cannot have any relationship type communication on the phone or in public.
I understand that this job is important to my boyfriend, but I feel that everything his job is making him do is going to leave me in the dust. My boyfriend and I have talked about the issues and basically the only thing I can do is to take and deal with it.
My boyfriend realizes that this puts a lot of stress and pressure on the both of us and is trying to find another job. But so far no luck and his job assigned him to a special two year job.
Is it right for me to be upset?
Is it right for me to be jealous and upset over the girl his job assigned to be his 'fake' girlfriend?
Is is wrong of me to take my anger and frustration out on my boyfriend and the 'fake' girlfriend?
Am I wrong for feeling depressed, unhappy, and helpless?
I know I have an anger problem, but what else can I do to help myself?
Response from Dr. DeFoore
Hello, and thanks for telling your story here. Your situation is definitely unique, but I'm sure others in close relationship with law enforcement officials can relate to what you're going through.
I will answer each of your questions, to the best of my ability:
"Is it right for me to be upset?" There's no right or wrong when it comes to emotions. What you feel is what you feel. The only question is, what are you going to do with those emotions.
"Is it right for me to jealous and upset over the girl his job assigned to be his 'fake' girlfriend?" No right or wrong. Read this page on overcoming jealousy, and I think that will help.
"Is is wrong of me to take my anger and frustration out on my boyfriend and the 'fake' girlfriend?" That just won't help you, and will probably create new problems to go with your old ones. I suggest you deal with your anger, following the steps on this FAQ page to understand and heal your anger.
"Am I wrong for feeling depressed, unhappy, and helpless?" No, that's not wrong. It's what you feel. Follow the recommendations I'm making, and I think it will help you.
"I know I have an anger problem, but what else can I do to help myself?" Please follow the recommendations above for healing your anger.
I hope this helps. Set your heart and mind on the vision of who and how you want to be, and set your intention to always move closer to that.
My very best to you,
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