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(Germansville, PA, USA)
Angry & Alone
I have a 13 yr. old son who is gonna be 14 very soon. Let me first start by saying I am a single mom and his father has not been in the picture since day one and we live with my mother, who is intolerable sometimes. So I pretty much know where his violent anger is coming from.
A few years ago my perfect, respectful, honest child had started developing an anger issue, getting very mad and screaming in faces, saying the most horrible words you could imagine. I tried speaking with him and he would not open up. I tried understanding because he was going thru some really horrible things.
See we live in this small country town and he goes to a country school. My son is half Brazilian and half Pennsylvania Dutch. He is absolutely a gorgeous child but around here people have their racist ways so of course the kids picked on him and so did some of the teachers, in their own way. The issue was resolved after my innocent young man had enough and he took his first swing and with success, I might add.
Ever since, at home he has made everyone live in a nightmare. He has numerous times raised his hands to punch me or my mother. One time he swung and I swung back to protect myself and that turned out very poorly. It is a vision I never wanted to have, ever!
He has good grades in school and now many friends. He has many amazing talents. He could definitely be a superstar in some way or another, with ease but all he wants to do is fight all the time. He smashes everything all the time.
We have been thru six pairs of glasses in one year, seven cell phones, and he now has proceeded to start stealing and wrecking things we cannot afford to replace. He is so out of control, I have no idea what to do or where to start.
Someone is going to get hurt or be in trouble with the law. It's so close now I can taste it. I don't want to lose this beautiful, irreplaceable, great son God has allowed me to have. What do I do?
Response from Dr. DeFoore
Hello Dorothy, and thanks for telling your story here. It is great that you love your son so much. That is a huge benefit to him and to you. I understand your concern, and I can see why you're worried.
Although there are no quick or easy answers to this, I want to encourage you to make up your mind that good things will come for him. Do not let your fear and dread lead you into predicting bad things for him. Every time you think of him, do your best to imagine him making good decisions and good choices.
I recommend you get a copy of Anger In Teens and follow the guidelines outlined in that program. You will also find some helpful ideas in our page on Parenting Teenagers.
The resources are here for you, Dorothy. Make up your mind to learn the skills you need to get the job done. Your son is a good kid, who has gotten caught up in the power that his anger and aggression gives him. This too shall pass.
Trust in the best part of him to emerge and take over. Look forward to good things, and expect him to improve.
My very best to you,
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