Confused And Disappointed With My Husband's Drinking and Anger
My husband has binged drank every Friday night for the past 24 years of our marriage. He also has anger issues even when he's not drinking.
However, in the last year or longer, during his binge drinking episodes, his anger is down right scary! It's to the point where my children and I tiptoe around the house to avoid any altercations with him.
There's been nothing physical, only extreme shouting and cursing and pounding his fists on tables and such and usually it's over something so stupid or silly that certainly doesn't warrant his behavior.
Recently, I've noticed he's starting to have drinks on Saturday or Sunday, and it's really concerning me. But when I bring it up, he becomes very angry with me.
I avoid any argument that I can with him, because I know how quickly it can escalate into him screaming at me, which only upsets the kids. Any advice?
Response from Dr. DeFoore
Hello KC, and thanks for telling your story here. I'm sorry you and your children are having this problem with your husband's drinking and anger. This can be so very destructive, and yet he's your husband...it's not easy to know what to do. I'll try to help.
First, know that you're not alone. Many people have faced this type of situation, and there is help for you out there. I strongly encourage you to find an ALANON group in your area, ideally one that you can go to and take your children. You and your children are living with an alcoholic, and you need the support of this type of group.
Alcoholism is a progressive disease, and it sounds like your husband is definitely getting worse. Hopefully, he will find his "bottom," which means a turning point, where he will start to get help. Meanwhile, you have to help yourself and your children.
I recommend that you not try to help him. If he is to change, the initiative has to come from him, or it won't work. Don't mention his drinking to him at all. Just avoid being around him (you and the children) when he's intoxicated, if at all possible. Actions speak louder than words, and if he notices he's always alone when he's drinking, that will send a good message to him.
I know there are no easy answers here, KC, and what I'm suggesting may not be possible for you. You have to be the one to decide. One thing to be aware of is that as long as these patterns of drinking and anger continue, your home is not a safe or healthy environment.
Make up your mind that you're going to figure out how to create a safe and healthy home environment for yourself and your children. Then take the next best step, and the next.
You can do this, KC.
My very best to you,
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