Where Did I Go Wrong?

by Bimpy
(England)

I raised my 2 kids by myself from when my son was a baby and my daughter was aged 2. I'm in a professional working role so was able to take part-time hours. I dropped them off at school and collected them again.

I did everything for them – doctor’s appointments, homework, bedtime stories, birthdays, holidays, day trips etc. Everything to do with raising kids plus holding a stressful job plus running a house.

They weren't angels growing up but they weren't devils either. My daughter should graduate next month and my son is in his second year of a Chemistry degree. He has a mate whose rich family bought him and his brothers a swish bachelor pad. My son would stay there every now and then but recently it has been weeks at a time.

When he comes back, I can't say anything to him without him getting angry and he then starts punching holes in walls and doors plus he swears at me. He's going to fail his exams because he hasn't studied but he says he's going to use me as an excuse.

When he gets violent and calls me a foul names, I ask him to leave. He says he'll say his 'bitch mum' kicked him out so he couldn't study as he was living in his car (I bought him the car). He's not been living his car, he lives in a swish bachelor pad.

He came back 3 days ago to 'study' for his last exam as his friend's house is too noisy. The exam is in 3 days. He's been watching tv and playing on his boxing equipment (also bought by me) instead of studying. I woke him up at 11.30am today, which brought on another tirade of swearing as I'd woken him up 30 mins before he wanted to wake up.

He went on to demolish his door, which I had only recently replaced (my own decision as I'm embarrassed to let anyone see what he'd done), and to demolish the expensive furniture that he'd asked me to buy.

What else am I supposed to say other than - just leave?