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What Went Wrong

by Angelica

I've been with my boyfriend for almost two years, and lived together for a year now. I lived in Chicago before, and moved to Florida to be with my boyfriend.

Before I moved to Florida we would always text or talk on the phone for hours and we were so eager to take the next step and decided to move to Florida with him to see how things work out. A month later of living together I find out that I'm pregnant. Even since then to me I felt like I started to see a whole other side of him.

Everything started to change. He became frustrated with me. I try and tell him my feelings, and arguing with him was very difficult. He always had something sarcastic to say.

I get so frustrated that I just give up and don't say anything. He sometimes apologizes but it still happens. It's gotten to the point where if I'm mad and he thinks it's stupid for me to be mad he starts to pick on me like a brother to his little sister. He would flick my nose grab my butt, and throw pillows at me.

Once I'm about something and he starts doing those things I start to get extremely frustrated. There's been a time when he pushes me to sit me down. When we argued, he threw water in my face and one time he pushed me and I just fell on the floor and I was maybe six months pregnant.

I even told him once that I was leaving him, got all my clothes together, and he just said I don't want you to leave, but I ain't stopping you and I ain't going to run after you. Or he says what do you want me to do, beg you to stay?

I tell him no but I would like to feel wanted. I waited or I should say I stayed thinking he would get better when he sees his child born. But it hasn't. He threw me out of his car once. He's never punched me, but he pushes me away. He would take the keys so I won't leave.

He's controlling emotionally, abuses me and I guess kinda physically. I try to tell him how I feel but he just doesn't take me seriously. I just go to school, and he works. I tell him I sacrificed coming here for you and knowing I don't have family or friends here I can't just go to a friend or family's house to blow off some steam.

He just leaves when he's mad. At first I didn't like it but when he stays he starts to say mean things or put his hands on me. So I figure maybe it's a good idea for him to leave, which a lot of the time he comes back all happy like nothing happened. And I'm still here mad--he now doesn't want to talk about the problems, because he's in a good mood, that I should get over it or shouldn't hold grudges. I don't know what do.

Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello Angelica, and thanks for telling your story here. I have written a lot of web pages just for people in your situation. I strongly encourage you to read these, and follow the recommendations you find there.

Here is the page I recommend: battered wife syndrome.

I also suggest that you get a copy of these self esteem CDs. This will help you feel better about yourself, so that you will demand the respect you are worthy of in your relationships.

You and your baby have to be your number one priority. Focus on yours and your baby's safety and well being, and take a break from your relationship with your boyfriend. He sounds like he's not mature enough to take the responsibility of being a father at this point.

Believe in yourself and the goodness in your heart, Angelica.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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