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We Are Hurting Each Other And I Want To Stop My Part

by Kmen
(Guam)

The Light Will Shine Through

The Light Will Shine Through



I am a 19 year old girl in a relationship with a 24 year old guy. Here is some background about me: My parents had me when they were both 17 years old. I was raised by my very strict, unloving grandmother through the majority of my childhood.

While my parents were together, my father would abuse my mother and they split up when I was about 7. I have been physically and emotionally abused as a child until the age of 17 by my mother, father, and grandmother. I truly believe that I was not that loved as a child.

As a person, I am actually very smart. I am going to college and have a 4.0 gpa. I am driven to succeed in life. Although I did not receive much love as a child, I developed this deep love and care for all my friends and family, but the majority of them have abandoned me.

I empathize a lot with others. Before my current relationship I was in a horrible relationship with another guy where I experienced physical and emotional abuse which I created by hitting him first. I don't know why I hit him, I would just get so angry and violence was the only thing that would take the anger away.

This relationship lasted for about 2 years. Fast forward to my current situation, my boyfriend now is an amazing person. We have so much in common and he is very ambitious and driven as am I. When I first met him, he was an absolute sweetheart.

We have been together for a year now. We moved in together when we were together 6 months, and that's when it all started. I felt like I could just not control the anger in me. I would get upset at little things and I would keep pushing him so that it would escalate.

I hit him first and eventually he hit me back. He is the type to leave before things get worse, but then I go all psycho and have a tantrum and try to stop him from leaving. I feel like I am so clingy. After the first time, he started to become less sweet and more cynical.

He has a bad temper and will say horrible things to me but I do not say anything back. I love this man so much and I know he loves me too. When we don't argue, we are happy as can be but our arguments get too out of hand and eventually we hit each other.


I know that I am the cause of all this but I don't know how to stop it. I feel like there is a darkness inside of me or that I really am crazy. Our most recent argument was the worst and I'm scared that I will lose him. What can I do to change?

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Dec 26, 2015
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Focus On Your Own Inner Healing First
by: Dr. DeFoore

Hello Kmen. Thank you for telling your story here. I know this cannot be easy for you, and I respect your honesty and openness.

What is happening is this: The closer you get to someone you care about, the more your old abuse memories and emotional patterns from your past are activated. This is not your fault, but it is your responsibility to correct the patterns.

The inner child audio program is the best way I know of for you to begin this healing process. You can also utilize these tools to do some of this work on your own. I hope this is helpful to you.

You may also want to seek professional counseling. Sometimes this work is difficult to accomplish on your own.

Most important, Kmen, believe in yourself and the goodness inside you. You don't like the anger and violence because it does not reflect who you really are, or how you want to be.

You will succeed, but it will only happen when you focus on yourself, and perhaps take a break from this relationship for a while in order to heal yourself emotionally.

I wish you all the best on your journey.

Dr. DeFoore

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