Trapped Savage Beast
I have been angry for so long that I am not sure at which point it started. I feel I have been wronged by a few key people and have not been able to shake the feelings of revenge. Running has been my only way out and it's not working.
Here is a brief on the folks who have wronged me and what they did:
My ex wife. She used me to get her out of where we were living to another country and then dropped me emotionally once we arrived. I wanted to kill her for a long time for that. In fact its been more than 8 years and I don't feel that I can trust anybody with my heart. I am very trusting, unfortunately for me, and a bad judge of character as I give all the benefit of the doubt. I look for the good first and only concentrate on that until it's too late.
My ex boss. He stole some of my work and is still making money from it. I don't get a cent. I approached him a few times without anger, and he just blames his past behaviour on a medical condition. He is a bully naturally, quite big and used to getting his way. I have planned so many scenarios for extorting money from him, like kidnapping family of his right down to maiming or killing him.
My brother and I were practically left out of a very large inheritance. I don't know why this happened because my father said x and we got y. Step monster took most of it...about $3 mil, perhaps more. He died suddenly after an operation and his will was changed only 3 months before he died.
I have been planning her demise ever since.
As a result of all of this, I can't think clearly any longer. I have changed the country I live in, my work, the language I speak, the food I eat, now vegetarian, and it has done nothing. I pray for war a lot as I think the only way to get this savage beast out of me is to fight for survival with a knife in my hand.
Response from Dr. DeFoore
Hello, and thanks for telling your story here. I am glad that you wrote on this site, instead of acting on your plans for revenge. That tells me that you're a good person, who really wants to, in your words..."shake the feelings of revenge." I will try to help.
I think you are stuck in these thoughts because in a way, you're "righting the wrongs" every time you plan revenge in your mind. Although it's not really working...so you keep doing it over and over again, as if somehow you could solve the problem in your mind. In fact, you can...but not with thoughts of revenge.
I strongly encourage you to read and follow each of these ten steps to healthy revenge. This is not easy or quick, but it will work if you do it. As you stated, your current methods are just not working. Give this a try.
You are worth this. Do this for yourself and your good heart.
My very best to you,
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