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Now Available! Dr. DeFoore's New Book GOODFINDING

Too Young For This

by Alyssa
(South Carolina)

I am still in high school...and I have very severe anger issues. Every time something bad happens I lash out. Usually it is at my 11 year old brother. I used to get so angry that I would just hit or kick him. But I stopped that about a year ago. I used to think about killing my family I was so mad at all of them. And I still am but my anger has cooled off a little bit.

Unfortunately I still scream all the time and I still get very angry, but I refuse to let myself hurt anyone any more.

So I started hurting myself. I punch walls or hit myself with a hammer. I have had suicidal thoughts. I used to cut myself too. I don't know why I'm so angry though. Other than my dad was a drunk. He had anger problems too. He never hurt us physically, but he scared my family emotionally.

I also used to be mean to my best friend. I would slap her or say mean things to her or scream at her. I still can't believe she is still my best friend after all that. I still show a lot of symptoms of anger issues and after 6 months the anger issues I had months ago are starting to return and every time I talk to my mom about my anger problems she doesn't believe me. Its probably because when I am happy I seem like a very happy sweet girl. But I'm not.

I thought I was too young to have anger problems, but I'm starting to thing differently.

Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello Alyssa, and thanks for telling your story here. Your anger bothers you because it does not match up with who you really are. You're a good person inside, and that's how you want to be in the world.

It is good that you stopped hurting others, but now it's time to stop hurting yourself.

Your anger is there for good reasons, and you need to find out what those are. Here are some exercises that will help you:

Start by doing the journaling process described on this page, to review your past and look at where your anger comes from.

Also begin a daily anger journal as described on that same page, to give your anger a safe place to go. This will really help you, if you're consistent with it. Then begin shifting your focus to what is good, right and working in yourself and your world with the positive writing process described on that same page. This will help you connect with who you really are.

These techniques will help you to get to know yourself, Alyssa. You're going to like what you find.

You can do this, Alyssa. Use these exercises and this entire web site, and you will get what you're looking for.

Believe in yourself. It just makes good sense.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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