This Mother Needs Help
I don't even know why I am here, writing this for the world to see. But I don't feel like I can tell anyone that I know, so here I am. I am a mother of 2, almost 3, and I have an anger problem. I yell all the time, I'm short fused, I'm a perfectionist, I'm a control freak, I get frustrated easily, I'm impossible.
I hate myself for the kind of mother I am. I want so badly to be a good mom, to raise my children with good self esteem and the ability to deal with life in a healthy way. But all I am showing them is how to be unhealthy. I have never intentionally hurt my children. But there have been a few times that I have been too rough with them, grabbing them too hard, or putting them into their bed too rough. I don't want to be like that. I don't want to hurt my kids. I don't want my kids to be scared of me.
I am afraid I have ruined my oldest son already. I'm always bickering at him, or criticizing him. I don't mean to. The words just jump out of my mouth before I have time to think. And then it is too late. I should say that I do also try to make up for my bad behaviour all the time. I do say sorry when I'm wrong. I do feel guilty about the way I act. But that doesn't excuse anything.
I want to change, but I don't know where to begin. I am too scared to ask for help, because I don't want anyone to know who I really am inside. I don't want to be an angry mom anymore. I want to be the mom that my kids want to be around. I want to be able to have fun with them. I just feel lost here. I feel alone, and I don't know what to do anymore. Thanks for listening.
Response from Dr. DeFoore
Thank you for writing your story on this site. You are a good person, which is why you want to change your situation. You are not alone. You will find that other mothers have similar problems, and they have received help here. You can read some of those stories here.
Here are some things you can do that will help:
1) Write from your anger on a daily basis. Get all of those thoughts and feelings out on paper. This is for no one's eyes but yours. You can destroy it after you've written it. You just need to give your anger a "place to be" so that it does not take over.
2) Write about all of the times you've been hurt, abandoned, neglected and abused in your past. This is where your anger comes from. Simply writing about these memories will help.
3) After writing about your anger, write about what you're grateful for from your past, what you appreciate about your present, and what you're optimistic about in your future. This positive journaling will activate the good person you truly are. Keep doing this positive journaling every day, no matter what, and you will get great results.
Whatever you do, do not give up on yourself. Ever. You can do whatever you set your mind to. Believe in yourself. You can be the kind of mother you want to be.
Feel free to write for more support on this site.
My best to you,