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Things Started Off Great And Then She Changed Into Another Person

by Anonymous

I've been in a relationship for just about a year. Things started off great. It was a loving, caring relationship. I was going through a difficult time, as I had just experienced an unexpected job loss and she helped me get through that time by providing emotional support.

She was responsible and presented herself as a fully functioning capable adult person. She was everything I needed. About 6-8 months into the relationship the person I knew exited and a new "personality" entered. This person is selfish, hateful, angry, and abusive.

She develops outside relationships with others, both men and women and converses with them by text. I've seen the texts myself but she denies everything all the time. She is a chronic cheater and it doesn't matter at any given time she has something going on with at least 3 other people.

The abuse is escalating week to week. She can be very aggressive with me and has left bruises on me before. She is very controlling and possessive. We share an apartment and a lease that does not end until October. I am working but the job I currently have does not pay enough that I can afford the place by myself.

She threatens to leave me regularly and some nights does not come home at all. A large part of me wishes she would just go. Forget the lease. I would totally take the damage on my credit just to be free of the abuse. I get the silent treatment for no reason whatsoever and I pretty much know when I am in for a rough evening with her.

She has choked me, punched me, bitten me, kicked me, hit me in the face with objects, run red lights with me in the car, etc. My everyday life is hell and I don't see a way out. I am a good person and I don't know how my life turned into this. I hate walking on eggshells in my own home. Things are hard enough with my job situation and I need to find something better but I am so stressed about my relationship I have no energy for anything else.

I am stuck. Most of the time she is either yelling or cursing or calling me out of my name or not talking to me at all. I just never imagined myself being in an abusive relationship. This relationship became abusive before my very eyes and I am here to tell you it can happen to anyone. My physical appearance is even suffering due to the stress I am under. I find myself in tears all the time, even at work behind this situation because I just see no way out.

I have no extra money to move. Just paying my bills barely leaves me with enough money for food and gas. I need help. There is no way I can hang on until October. She does all this and then offers a pathetic "I'm sorry" in an attempt to smooth things over. I just want out.

Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello, and thanks for telling your story here. It is clear that you're being abused, and it sounds like you've had enough. Nothing will get better until you get out of this relationship, and I think you know that.

Find an affordable place to live, or stay temporarily with a friend or in a battered person's shelter. Make the move, and deal with the financial challenge--whatever stress that brings is nothing compared to what you're going through right now.

You have to help yourself before anyone else can help you. You feel stuck...but you are not actually stuck. You have a job, and you sound like an intelligent person from the way you've written here. You are free to pack a bag and walk out. Just do it.

If you would like more information in this area, the following pages might be helpful:

FAQ page on abusive relationships

Believe in yourself and the goodness inside you. You can do this.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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