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The "No Romance Marriage"

by George
(Grand Rapids, Michigan)

About 8 years ago, my wife decided that closeness (physical) was not desired, and with that, an already weak joint physical attraction became total.

She is a beautiful woman and is so wonderful in so many ways, I feel real guilt about my most of the time hidden anger but from time to time it surfaces and I go into a "partial" silence and cool attitude with her.


We have discussed the problem and reality is, she does love me and I do love her...but it is stilted and she admits she has no interest in the physical side of marriage.

We get along very well otherwise, have good family relationships, and enjoy each other company outside the home and in social events. But
we sleep in separate bedrooms, have no real interests in common and generally, while I watch the news shows in the evenings, she watches other programming upstairs.

I want to be close to her, but either I destroyed something in the past or some event(s) brought her interest to a halt.

Alcohol and such do not enter the picture.

Other than the aforementioned, my life is good and full. But I am angry inside because I need marital fulfillment too. I will not leave her over this, although many times I have wished I could.

I do not know how to help myself.

Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello George, and thanks for telling your story here. Your feelings make perfect sense. It is hard for anyone to be happy in a marriage without sexual intimacy, unless they have some type of personal issue that eliminates their desire.

I will not go into conjecture about the reasons your wife does not want to be intimate with you. Your desire for that closeness is completely healthy and natural, and you have every reason to want marital fulfillment with the woman you love.

I strongly recommend that you get a copy of Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples, 20th Anniversary Edition

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