The Feeling Of Being Upset All The Time--Please Help!
Hi, my name is Blanca & I am 29 yrs old. I have been feeling the need to seek for help but I am not quite sure what kind of help is it that I need. I sometimes feel that I have an anger management problem or that I might just be depressed.
My life hasn't been all that great. I come from a very dysfunctional family where there was violence. I feel as if I grew up too fast. I consider myself to be very independent, I have been most of the financial supporter of my family.
I feel as if I have just become a bitter person due to all of my family issues especially with the burden of my 2 brothers. They are in their early twenties and have been in and out of jail and one has even been very violent with everyone in my family. I just recently distanced myself from my family and left to move in with my (common-law) husband and my 1yr old baby girl.
However, my father had to come and live with us due to the last confrontation where my brother beat him up. Currently my father is not working because he "cannot" find a job or is too picky about it but also because he claims he can't make it on his own due to child support he owes. Although he does save me childcare I still have to support his needs.
My mother, who I left behind (her choice) because she wanted to continue helping my brothers, I still continue to help her somewhat with her financial situation. On top of this I feel as if I have to still carry most of the financial weight for me and my own family (husband & daughter).
My husband does work as a mechanic but he doesn't earn much and I feel as if I am the sole provider. He helps once in a while with our daughter but I feel I have to be asking for help and also be very specific with him to do chores around the house. I just feel as if sometimes I am drowning and I struggle to keep myself going under.
I know I'm a person with a strong character and attitude but I just seem to always get home and feel this sense of frustration, annoyance, helplessness and resentment. I don't know anymore if it's because of everything I have been through or if it's just me. Have I become a bitter person and towards life?
I do regret most of the times what I say to everyone when we get into an argument (which is every day) and feel that I take it out on the wrong person. I feel as if sometimes I am screaming for help but cannot be heard and sometimes I just feel like crying to feel a bit better.
I am afraid that one day my husband, who is a great guy, will leave me. I know I get frustrated with him most of the time but he is indeed a very nice guy that I know nowadays it's hard to find one like him.
I am afraid of the things I say to my parents and then one day they won't wake up and I didn't have the chance to say sorry. I also feel that if something was to happen to my parents I would blame it on my brothers because of what they make them go through. I am afraid that my daughter will grow up to be like me or to even to be afraid of me.
I don't know what else to do or how to help my family or even myself. I don't know how or what type of help I need to get and/or if I even need it. I just feel so confused about the whole situation.
I hope whoever reads this can help me and direct me to the right direction or what I need to do.
In advance I want to thank you for the space & time allowed for me to write my story...which is the short version of it.
Response from Dr. DeFoore
Hello Blanca, and thanks for telling your story here. You will find all of the help and guidance you need on our FAQ page. Find the question that best suits your situation, and read the recommendations, and then follow them. You will surely benefit if you do that.
It is clear that you do have a problem with your anger, and that you could use some help. You might consider counseling, or an online anger management class.
Believe in yourself and the goodness in your heart, Blanca. That is who you really are, and that is where your healing will come from.
My very best to you,
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