The Anger Pen
It all starts about six in the morning, still angry about the day before. I'm angry about brushing my teeth, putting on deodorant and all personal hygiene, because it takes to long. I'm always feeling rushed.
I'm angry while I'm eating breakfast. That's if I didn't pass it up to not get angry. I might have a tumor in my mouth from chewing when I was young and I have a hard time swallowing. I think about that forty to fifty times a day, and it angers me every time. With lack of insurance, money and the means to get health care.
When I drive I'm never angry any more because I understand. I don't know why that is. I don't get angry at older people. I don't know if that's respect or sympathy for being old.
One bad thing is that when the wife doesn't say anything to me for hours, then brings up a bill or something that I haven't done right or done at all, I feel anxiety. Anxiety--what a kicker.
But when she tells me that I'm always mean and that she will find someone who will not be that way to her and that I have nothing to offer, that's when I feel the anger. I feel it through my whole body bypassing the filter.
At that point there are no boundaries there are no feelings, it's just the anger beast.
But the worst one of all is trying to pick up a pen on a smooth surface or a table. I try three, four, five, times. I would do anything to get rid of that feeling. I'm the bomb, the anxiety bomb, just over a dumb bic pen. Wow.
Response from Dr. DeFoore
Hello Dominic, and thanks for telling your story here. There are good reasons for your anger, and you need to know what they are. That's where you start. You have to find the story behind your anger.
Start by using the three journaling processes described on this page. Be sure and keep writing about your past memories until it is clear where your anger came from. It may or may not be easy for you, but you can do it. There is a story behind your anger, just make up your mind to find it.
Then continue with the anger journaling and the goodfinding journaling...all three steps are essential.
Now use these imagery processes for emotional healing to resolve each of those memories.
Next, try this process:
1) Come up with a mental picture of your anger. Amplify it, making it larger than life, and keep searching for an image until you have a clear picture in your mind.
2) While picturing it in your mind, say this to it: "I can see that you are a part of me. I created you a long time ago, for my protection. If I let you run my life, you will destroy it. I'm not going to try to kill you or make you go away. You have a place here, but you're not going to be in charge any more. I'm taking over, which will keep both of us safe. I know you're strong, but your strength belongs to me, and I choose to use it for good things."
3) Notice how the image responds or changes in your mind while you say these things. Keep working with it in this way until you begin to see a healthy anger image start to emerge. Ultimately, you want to transform it into a loyal ally--that's what happens when your anger is healthy.
4) Every time you start to get angry, picture this image of your anger--keep at it until you can see it clearly. This is called "See It Don't Be It," and it will help you to manage your anger.
You said you would do anything, Dominic...do every one of the exercises recommended here, and you will get some good results.
You can do this. Believe in yourself.
My very best to you,
P.S. If you found this to be helpful, please consider making a donation to this site to support our mission to help you become your own best anger management resource.
P.P.S. If you got something of value here, we would also greatly appreciate it if you would click the "Like" button at the top left corner of this page.