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Suspicion In A Long Distance Relationship

by Anonymous

My partner and I have been in a long distance relationship for going on 15 months. I live Down Under, and he lives in the States. We were friends for almost 6 years before we decided to give us as a couple a go.

Over the course of our romantic relationship, we've been having issues with someone, we still do not know who to this day, messaging either one of us and accusing the other of cheating behind our back. These messages even include links to dating site profiles of my partner and personal info about him.

My partner has been married before and his wife left him for a man she met online, so he already has some deep seated fears about being cheated on and/or left for someone else. Not a good thing when it comes to trust in a relationship I know, especially a long distance one.

And now with the constant messaging from our stalker, he is beginning to suspect that not only am I cheating but I am also the person behind the messages. That part hurts more than being accused of being a cheat. To think my partner has such little faith in me, especially when he has known me for years and knows what I'm like as a person.

As a result, he has been withdrawn and angry, the past couple of weeks we have barely spoken and usually when we do, he is borderline hostile. I have tried to explain to him that the messages are not my doing and that I am not the person behind them but he has his walls up and will not listen. All he keeps telling me is that he is waiting to see how it all plays out and is letting things run their course.

What do I do to ease his insecurities and fears so he understands that I am not this person he now thinks I am?

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Aug 03, 2015
His Insecurities Are Not Under Your Control
by: Dr. DeFoore

Hello, and thanks for your story. Unfortunately, if your boyfriend wants to be suspicious, there isn't much you can do about it. Suspicion is a slippery slope, and if someone wants to go there, they will have to stop themselves if they're going to stop at all.

Meanwhile, you need to think about how you're going to take care of yourself. Without trust in a relationship, there will not be love. You are worthy of trust and respect, and if he chooses to withhold his trust, you may need to rethink the relationship.

Focus on what is best for you as a person, rather than focusing on how to change his just can't succeed at changing anyone's mind.

Make up your mind to create a good life for yourself. You are worthy.

My best,

Dr. DeFoore

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