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Stay Or Move On?

by Gaby
(Sparks, NV, US)

I am 18 yrs old, seeking professional help because I am very confused with life. My boyfriend who is now my ex boyfriend--we're in a relationship for a year and six months. We have something amazing going on, but there are also all the fights.

I am a very selfish girl and never let anything get to me. When he and I fight, it gets out of control, especially on my side. He always tries fixing things, and I go to the point when I am just so mad and I start hitting him.

I know it is never right for me to hurt him. but now in another argument he lost control and slapped me. I do not know what to do. I know violence is not ok and so does he. We broke up and are now single. He loves me and I love him, but I just don't know how to react.

I get angry very easily, and can't control myself. I have told him we need time for each other to realize everything that happened. I don't know whether to forgive him for what he did, because I know I had hit him as well.

I understand that I need help with my temper, because I do not want to hurt him or anyone physically. I need advice on what to do with this situation. If I was to go back to him, I want us to start something new. On another hand I don't want to, because things might stay the same.

I take fault for my actions, but I just don't know what to do.

Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello Gaby, and thanks for telling your story here. When things get this out of control, and you're hitting each other, it is best to be apart. You sound like a bright girl, and you're smart enough to know that you need help. I will offer some ideas here, but you may also want to seek face to face counseling with a professional in your area.

I suggest you follow all of the guidelines on this FAQ page. These are not quick or easy exercises, but if you take them seriously, and do them consistently, you will get some good results.

I encourage you to stay out of the relationship with your boyfriend until both of you have gotten some help. The chance that you will return to old patterns of violence are very high at this point.

Make up your mind, Gaby, that you're going to get healthy emotionally, and you can do it. Believe in yourself.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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