Son & Mother Relationship Crumbling Then Being Fixed Then Crumbling All Over Again
(Ellsworth, Iowa, U.S)
Hi, my name is Nathan, and my relationship with my mother is going down the drain. We constantly get in fights and we say stuff we don't really mean.
I know 99% of these fights are my fault and I have tried everything to calm my anger down but they don't seem to work. Talking to a people, anger release, pinning it up, and other stuff--it just doesn't seem to work. It doesn't help that I don't smile a lot but that's because I'm constantly getting in fights with her.
I don't know where or what the source of my anger is, but when I get angry I seem to break things and it just ruins my whole day. Some nights I lay awake wondering if it would be different if I live with my dad, but I hardly know him.
It's just so aggravating. I've been diagnosed as clinically depressed for some time, and was on an anti-depressant and anti-psychotic, but we stopped taking them because they increased my anger.
I just need some advice. It seems the only one that makes me happy any more is my girlfriend, but she lives 2 states away. I just need some advice on how to handle this before it gets out of hand.
Response from Dr. DeFoore
Hello Nathan, and thanks for telling your story here. I don't know if I can help you here, but I'll try.
I want you to consider that there's nothing wrong with you as a person, even though you do have some significant problems. You can resolve your problems, if you make up your mind to do that, and don't let anything stop you.
First, do all of the exercises on this FAQ page. These are powerful tools, and if you use them consistently, they will help you. Like any tools, however, they only work if you use them.
You have to love yourself enough to want to do this, Nathan. Learn more about self love here.
Your mother is just as responsible for the problems in your relationship as you are. Therefore, it's not 99% your fault, as you believe it is. You take 100% responsibility for your own emotions and actions, and the relationship will improve.
Make up your mind, Nathan, to learn these anger management tools and use them regularly. Create a positive life for yourself. You are worthy of that.
My very best to you,
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