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Now Available! Dr. DeFoore's New Book GOODFINDING

So Much Rage And Anger After Multiple Losses

by Doreen

Two years ago my mother and father died 6 weeks apart. My mother died of a sudden brain aneurysm and was in the hospital for 7 days before we had to make the decision to take her off support. I watched her die.

Six weeks later my father died from a recurrence of leukemia. He was in hospice at our house and was there until he died. I watched him die.

6 months ago, my cat who was a fantastic guy, had cancer and was put to sleep. I watched him die.

8 weeks ago my father's mom died, had had an aortic aneurysm. I was with her when she died.

I have felt (even before my cat & grandmother died) so much rage and anger and I can't seem to see over it. I get so angry at the little things. I get angry at home and at work. I want to throw things and have. I lose my patience so quickly and am afraid I could hurt something. I cry too. I sob.

I need help getting over this. My life is starting to spiral out of control because of this. I am afraid the life I have built, my job and spouse may want to leave me.

I can't afford counseling. What can I do for myself when I feel so helpless?

Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello Doreen, and thanks for telling your story here. Multiple losses like you have experienced are extremely difficult to process and grieve over. Yet, you can do this. Your pain has all run together, and is coming out in anger. That is totally understandable, but of course you don't want it to continue.

I think the best thing for you is to take each one of your losses and grieve them one by one. Start with the one that hurts and bothers you the most, then move on through the list. You will find all of the information and steps to get you through the process on this page about grieving.

Take your time with this, Doreen, and stick with it. You will start to feel better. Grieving is a natural process, but it's something you have to do deliberately. It will not necessarily happen by itself, especially after multiple losses like you have had.

The anger will subside when you have done your grieving. And remember, grieving is an act of love--so, by grieving, you're showing your love for each of these dear souls who have departed.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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