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Six Years Since My Mother's Death And I'm Still Having Issues

by Kim
(Las Vegas )

Today is the anniversary of my mother's death 6 years ago. That year it was Mother's day when she died.

Mom was ill for several months before her death and in and out of the hospital. My ex (whom at the time I was married to and now I still live with for financial reasons) bought a house for us to take care of Mom.

She never made it home from the hospital. I had to make the decision to turn off the machines.

Why after all these years can I still not see the happy times? I have considered taking my own life because of this. I still feel that way today. Though I haven't tried. It is getting harder for me instead of easier. I don't understand why that is.

Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello Kim, and thanks for telling your story here. What you had to do for your mother is a very difficult thing. To be the person who makes the choice to end the life of your mother, no matter what the circumstances, is just hard. It goes against so much of who you are, and yet it's still the right thing to do.

You've made it clear in your writing that you are not progressing in your grieving. I will try to help.

First, I highly recommend that you read this page on grieving top to bottom, and follow all of the recommendations you find there about how to grieve.

You may also have unresolved issues from your past, which are preventing you from healing. With that in mind, I suggest you write about any and all past trauma, using the guidelines on this page under "Trauma Writing."

I suggest you also try this visualization. Imagine yourself as the person you are today, traveling back in time to that day 6 years ago when you had to make the decision to turn of the machines that were keeping your mom alive. Walk up to that younger you, and say, "It's okay. You did the right thing. This is an act of love. You are a good person. It's not your fault. It's okay. You can let go now." Then imagine yourself taking the younger you in your arms, and then leading her out of that hospital room, out of that hospital, that town, and back to the present time where you live now. Imagine her merging with you, moving inside you, which is where she lives. Then look back at that hospital room, and notice that she's not there any more.

You can do this, Kim. You're a good person, and you are worthy of being happy.

I hope this is helpful.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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