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I'm in a relationship now with a woman that always gets mad. If she doesn't get what she wants she changes the tone of her voice and keeps on saying the things that made her mad.
Of course, I did something, and immediately said sorry and I love you and relax, but she keeps on coming back on what happened and makes herself more angry. She keeps on reminding herself of what makes her mad even though I said that I am already sorry and I love you in my relaxed state.
It makes me feel tense too because she is already shouting, but she suddenly says that I should be the one who should relax and I am the one who's shouting. I can't understand because I am not shouting but she's accusing me that I am the one who's mad.
I am assessing myself and yes, I might have fed the anger within her and discovered myself that I am not capable of dealing with mad or angry people, but because I love her so much I am willing and actually doing my best to always be in peaceful heart even though I am being pushed so much in my limits most of the times for almost a year now, but still willing to do it.
What should I do? Am I doing the right thing?
Response from Dr. DeFoore
Hello Jake, and thanks for telling your story here. As I read your story, and it occurs to me that you need to focus on yourself and let your friend deal with her own anger. You are 100% responsible for your actions and emotions, as she is for hers. You can't really do anything about her anger.
I suggest you do the journaling processe on this page, which will give you more self awareness and self control. It sounds like you're doing some things to trigger your friend's anger, and you need to take full responsibility for that, just as she needs to take full responsibility for her reactions.
I hope this helps.
My very best to you,
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