I have always suppressed anger- as in whenever something has made me angry, I have never been able to show it.
I don't know how to deal with anger. From other people either. It's an uncomfortable emotion for me.
Over the past few years, however, I've had what I can only describe as outbursts of pure rage. Over insignificant things.
For example, this morning a jar dropped in to some water and splashed me and the anger I felt was immense. I threw things and stamped on a box which was on the floor.
It takes a great deal of concentration to control it and if I can then it takes me a lot longer to get over it. I have to sit and do nothing for sometimes half an hour.
If I do act on it, I want to hurt myself (usually because I feel stupid and like whatever event has happen feels like it was due to my stupidity) and I want to smash things and break stuff.
I have never had an outburst in front of my fiance, however I have felt the rage, I've just managed to control my reaction.
The outbursts last less than an hour and I always feel really bad about it afterwards. Does this sound like I.E.D.?