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Please Help Me I'm Just A Kid

by Hannah
(Ohio, United States)

I have to keep this short. My mom died when I was 4, and all I can remember was buying her pink daisies and leaving them at the hospital. It was then just me, my dad and 7 year old sister.

My dad dated a super nice girl who loved us so much when I was 6, but then he broke up with her when I was 8.

He then dated my new stepmom who went through two divorces and had 3 children, two girls 16 and 18 and one boy 2. They were ok and when I was 10 my dad proposed which I was ok with.

When they got married my stepmom has been blaming everything about me or her children on me like if I hadn't played with her son that day I was rude and hated him.

She constantly discourages me saying I don't think you can do that or you stink at that and says mean things about me to my dad in front of me like I'm fat ugly and a b**** but people think I'm beautiful and I'm very nice and the lightest in my school!

I feel suicidal sometimes but I always control it barely, by thinking about my sister and grandma. Is this verbal or emotional abuse? It's happening to my sister too.

Is there any way I can live with my grandma? Do I need counseling? And how do I tell my grandma and parents about it?

Please help me I'm a helpless 11 year old and I don't know what to do!

Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello Hannah, and thanks for telling your story here. I’m sorry you’re having such a hard time. Your situation is tough for anyone, especially at 11 years of age. I will try to help you.

I suggest that you show your grandma exactly what you have written here. Tell her you want to live with her, and see if that can be arranged. It sounds like you’re being singled out by your stepmom, and it also sounds like your dad is not protecting you.

I also want you to start keeping a journal of your feelings. Write about your hurt and sad feelings, but mostly I encourage you to write about what you like, love and enjoy in your life. Focus on the good things about yourself, your sister and your grandma. Be grateful for the good things, and this will make you stronger and more confident.

Always expect things to get better. You are smart and strong, Hannah. Make up your mind to have faith in yourself, and you will create a good life for yourself. You are far more powerful than you think you are...your power is in your ability to choose what you focus on in your mind. Focus on the good things, and you will get stronger every day.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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May 30, 2013
Good advice
by: Anonymous

The doctor's advice seems to me to be very much on target! Yes, you ARE being verbally abused by your stepmother. Have you had an alone time with your dad and told him how you feel when she talks to you like she has? I know he's probably feeling a little stuck in the middle; wanting to make his wife happy and not "rocking the boat" so to speak, but he really does need to stick up for you. Journaling is really helpful; just being able to vocalize how you feel. I know it may look hopeless to you sometimes when "mom" is constantly verbally beating up on you...but that isn't WHO you are. Sometimes people say and do things like that because of their own low self-esteem. Doesn't make it right, but somehow they feel they have power over something in their life. Do talk with your grandmother and if you get a chance to be alone with your dad, tell him how you feel. I have a hard time verbalizing because of emotions, so sometimes a letter you can give him to read in front of you would work too. Hang on will get better. Blessings! Sheryl

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