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Now Available! Dr. DeFoore's New Book GOODFINDING

Passive Aggressive Me

by Gin
(Wilkes Barre, PA)

My fiancee and I are at a crossroads. He has had it with my behavior and treatment of him, and most recently, our child. I am passive aggressive. I have been refusing for years to acknowledge and/or deal with it.

He has been asking me for years to tell him what's wrong and I say there's nothing wrong. Sometimes I'll say something is wrong but put the blame on something else and not myself. I'll try to take steps to correct myself, which lasts for a limited time, then I slip right back into my patterns.

He's had enough. He's fed up with the destructive behavior. I'm going to lose him, and my child. He feels that I will hurt our child, whether directly or indirectly, and that she will not be safe with me. I agree with him now. I didn't before.

I want to change. I want to be better. I want to keep our family together and move forward. The problem is that it may be too late. He is fed up and disgusted with me. He says he loves me but the hatred he's feeling for me is becoming overwhelming.

Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello Gin, and thanks for telling your story here. I congratulate you on taking responsibility for your emotions and your behavior. That's where change begins, and you can definitely change. I will try to help.

Just in case you're more angry than passive aggressive, the exercises on this FAQ page will be helpful to you.

I encourage you to learn all you can about passive aggressive behavior from this page:

Definition of passive aggressive behavior

If you set your mind to this, Gin, you can reach your goals. I hope you're able to heal your marriage, and become more like the good person you truly are. Believe in the goodness of your heart, and work to bring that goodness to the surface in your every thought, feeling and action.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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