Out Of Control And Becoming Physical
I really am just starting to see my anger problem and how bad it really is. I am pushing my fiance away and I fear to lose the man I love because I can't control my problem.
We got into an argument last night where in the middle of it I had to change our son's diaper and my fiance was acting childish, not letting me have the baby wipes so I could change our son's diaper. I blew up. I wanted to punch him but I slapped him. I really need some help and I hope you can help me.
Response from Dr. DeFoore
Hello, and thanks for asking for help here. I get that you really don't like your anger reactions, and that certainly makes sense. Hitting someone you love is very painful for both of you. You're a good person, and that's why you want to get help--so that you can manage your anger and be more like the person you really are.
I will do my best to help you, and the rest is up to you. If you do what I recommend, I assure you that you will benefit, and possibly even be able to maintain control over your anger.
First, let's address your own healing from your past. There is a story behind your anger, and when you discover what it is, it will help you to heal and manage your anger better. I'm going to assume that you have some kind of abuse, neglect and/or abandonment in your past, which is where your anger comes from originally.
Here's what I want you to do for yourself:
1) Write a detailed account of all of the abuse, neglect and/or abandonment you may have received as a child. Don't hold back or leave anything out. Try to describe every detail. This is for no one's eyes but yours, so don't worry about that. The benefit is how it will help you to revisit these memories from your present position.
2) Use the guided imagery healing processes you will find on this page to heal emotionally from the abuse.
3) Use the journaling processes you will find described on this page to begin managing your anger more effectively on a daily basis. This will include a daily journaling process of writing from your anger and then shifting to positive journaling about the good things in you and your fiance.
4) Moment by moment, day by day, every time you think of your fiance, think of his positive aspects--what you like, admire, and love about him. Use this to extend the benefit of the positive journaling process above.
5) Subscribe to our Healing Anger Newsletter, and you will receive a free Ebook entitled, "Anger Management Techniques" that will give you even more indepth help than the page I mentioned above.
Do your best to follow each of these recommendations, and you will definitely feel better and have more anger control.
Feel free to write again on this site, to let us know how you're doing or to ask another question.
My very best to you,