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Needing An Answer About A Relationship That's Over

by Anonymous
(Las Vegas)

I dated this guy for like 2 months. In this two months, he had broken up with me two times. Whenever we had a fight, he would think I will break up with him, so he will do it first.

After a day or so, he will tell me that he has insecurities and wants to get back together. After the two break ups, I knew this was going nowhere if it continued like this. So I never got back with him.

But we agreed to be friends. Then he started getting mad if I didn't call him or if I didn't pick up his calls. He sends rude messages on Facebook. So, since the friendship isn't working either, I stopped talking to him at all.

But he sent me another insulting message that almost made me cry. I never wrote anything back but every time I think about it, I feel like going to his house and chocking him.

I can't eat or concentrate on anything else. I usually don't keep quiet when people disrespect me. I could think of a hundred things to say in a minute.

Now I'm mad all the time, and I can't get over it.

Is what I did wrong? What shall I do? Please help.

Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello, and thanks for telling your story here. It sounds like you did exactly the right thing for yourself. This person has shown you numerous times that he will be disrespectful and abusive to you.

Regarding your anger, if you vent it towards him, most likely he will just come back with more. Or worse, he will apologize, and the two of your will get back together, only to start the whole dysfunctional cycle over again.

I suggest you do the three part journaling process described on this page. This will help you review your own past, and look for underlying issues behind your current anger. It will also give you a safe, healthy way to express your anger and gain greater self awareness. Finally, it will help you to shift your mental focus to what is good, right and working in your life--which will help you let go of this relationship.

You might also find the following page on relationships to be helpful: how to deal with abusive relationships.

Focus on yourself, and create a fabulous life for yourself. And make up your mind to stay clear of any relationship in which you are treated disrespectfully.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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