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Need Help With My Hair Trigger Anger

by Ryan
(Seattle)

My name is Ryan, and I have an anger problem. My problem is going to make my girlfriend leave me. I don't want to be angry, I don't like it, but when I do get to that point, it's like I black out, lose control and go on auto pilot.

I say whatever I want, not caring for my girlfriend when she is scared of me. I haven't hurt her physically for a long time, but I scare her.

Now I'm scared for myself. I hurt myself now, punch myself, burn myself, just to not hurt her, or maybe to show her I'm crazy and don't care. But I have a big problem and I need help before she leaves me.

I have taken a class before, but it really didn't help, talking to someone I didn't know, not having an opinion, just listening and giving me their insight, and showing me another way. It's been a while since then and I feel as though I'm slipping back into my old ways.

I love my girlfriend so much, and I do care. But it's hard for me to say that when I scare her.

How can someone love another and do what I do? I can be so nice and then just like the flip of a switch and I'm mad. I want to change and I don't like it, but it controls me.

Maybe since I don't have a job, things are stressful on me and my girlfriend. I'm working on that, and we are working with each other. I don't know why I am the way I am. I have tried figuring it out, but when I did that, it felt as though I was blaming others for my problems.

I am an adult and I make my own choices. But, I was always taught how to be angry. When growing up, anger was the response for everything and now I have a hard time dropping that. Its like a bad habit. I love her and want to change, hopefully someone can help me and just listen.

Thanks.

Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello Ryan, and thanks for telling your story here. You said you just want someone to listen, and so that's what I'm doing. You seemed to indicate that you don't want help, beyond listening, so I won't offer any at this time. If you want more help, then write again.

Meanwhile, if you want some suggestions, just review the web site, read other visitor's stories, and see if there is anything there for you.

And above all, Ryan, believe in the goodness inside you.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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