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My Wife vs. My Family

by Tony
(Manila, Philippines)

I have been living with my wife for the past 12 years with a heavy heart. She hates my family very much. She even prohibits our children to see my parents.

Her hatred began after she found out that I had an affair and had 2 children with another woman. Despite all of this she still accepted me, I changed and did not sin after that.

But she puts so much anger with my parents because my one illegitimate child was raised by my parents. She felt that I was tolerated by my parents, but that was not the case. They are just giving the love that my other child deserves.

Now, I also hate my wife because she hates my family. I am an only child so I had a very close relationship with my parents and I love them very much. My parents are so loving and caring and they have really good hearts but my wife doesn’t see that. She thinks that my family are evil.

I would like to convince myself that I should understand her because it was my fault and it really takes time to forget and forgive.

There was one incident that my wife actually nags my 70 year old mom about, in front of so many people. Honestly, I really cannot forgive my wife for doing that. Now I see her as evil also.

I am always thinking of leaving her because I don’t think that she will ever change. We are ok and happy but if an event involves my family she will get mad.

Do I need to just understand her and just go on with our lives without involving my parents or should I be thinking of a divorce already? Is her not permitting my children to see their grandparents rational? What can I do about it, or should I just let it be?

Your response will be highly appreciated. Thanks in advance.

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Dec 08, 2017
Some Priorities To Consider
by: Dr. DeFoore

Hello Tony, and thanks for telling your story here. Your situation is very difficult, but I will try to help as best I can.

It is really a good idea to think about your priorities, if you want your marriage to work. Ideally, your relationship with your wife takes priority over your relationship with your parents.

That's really the only chance you have to establish a healthy marriage relationship.

That being said, if your wife is totally against your family, that's unreasonable, and may be unjustified.

Regarding your wife not allowing your children to see their grandparents, that would only be reasonable if there was some kind of abuse occurring.

For a period of time, try putting your wife first, and then ask if she will be willing to accommodate your children's relationship with your parents.

I hope his helps.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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