My Warrior Spirit Rescued My Inner Child
When I was a baby, my mother used to pick me up and dig her fingers into my kidneys specifically to hurt me. It was not just pain, it was torture of the worst kind. I remember a terrible fear of being picked up. I remember my mother's malicious face and that my only defense was to open my eyes as wide as possible in sheer unbelievable agony. I often heard her say later 'Yeah, right in the kidneys where it hurts'. True.
When I grew up I didn't think about it. At least...that's what I thought. However I was plagued by terrible nightmares of someone hurting me in this area and then one day this memory came back. I looked at it in horror. You're just going to have to trust me when I tell you I am not a person given to flights of fancy who imagines such things. I had known all the time somehow. It was even in the forefront of my mind but I had ignored it. When I looked at it and all the horror associated with it, the nightmares stopped...after decades. But now I had this terrifying memory to deal with.
My mother continued to hurt me in as many ways as possible all my life. Emotionally, spiritually and physically in sick, nasty ways. That is, until 2 years ago when I walked away. I still didn't walk away from all the damage she had done to me though and I thought that there was no way to heal such wounds. That is, until I read Serai: Bringing The Children Home.
I had always called myself multifaceted, thinking I was unusual, that I had such disparate personalities living inside of me. Not separate personalities exactly but everything from dignified, gentle and wise, to an angry teenager to a warrior type and of course a desperately frightened, damaged little kid.
The book Serai speaks of all these different personalities. It is written in such a beautiful magical way with warriors and wizards and many wonderful characters. I related to all of them. But best of all it teaches you, without teaching you, how to rescue the child that you were.
It happened suddenly when I was reading about Samantha the warrior. I thought, I'm going to go and rescue that little girl, the one in agony with her mother torturing her.
I saw myself in that situation but I was strongly linked into an inner warrior too and I suddenly jumped up. I was still small but I had tremendous power. I grabbed my mothers hands from off my back and bent them back hard. I jumped forward and hit her hard in the face. She fell back to a wall that was close behind her and just stayed there with a shocked look on her face. She didn't move after that, she just stayed there with her power completely taken away.
I knew I had to get out of there so I jumped off the table but when I got to the floor I couldn't move, like in a dream when you can't run. But I still felt strong and I kept saying to myself "Come on. You can do it. Come on". I couldn't move but I pictured myself outside the door. Then I pictured myself outside the gate. Then I pictured myself inside my car and so on and so on until I got her all the way to my present home. Then I was back in my body in real time and she was inside me. Suddenly I was suffused with joy and warmth and light. I couldn't believe it. I had brought her home. She was safe. I was safe. There was no 'high', there were no tears. There was just a feeling of warmth and joy and wholeness. Everytime I think of that once terrifying situation now I just see an empty table and my mother up against the wall, frozen and completely disempowered.
Every time I think of that little girl there is no terror any more, there is just joy. I woke up the next morning and realized she was with me and I held my face and gave my face little kisses and said "You're home. You're home". I know this sounds weird but the feeling of joy and wholeness is soooooo good. Instead of feeling fear now I can hardly wait to think of more situations so that I can go and get the child that I was. Oh joy of joys. Thank you so much Dr DeFoore. Never in my wildest dreams could I have ever imagined that this was possible. Thank you just doesn't even touch it.
Response from Dr. DeFoore
Hi Abby. I'm so glad you found the book, "Serai: Bringing The Children Home" to be helpful. That is exactly why I wrote it. The process you used to help the child seems to have worked really well for you. I'm glad you're feeling better, and that you plan to use that technique again for other emotional healing.
If you'd like to see the process I use for imagery and emotional healing, go to this page. It is very similar to the process you used.
I am so very glad for you that you have found healing from this horrific and extreme abuse. You are worthy of great joy and goodness in your life.