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My Selfish Sister-in-law Is Trying To Use Us

by Anonymous

My husband has two sisters, out of which one stays in another city. This sister-in-law is the one I am talking about. Whenever she visits our city, from day one, she has been staying with my other sister-in-law and comes only once to visit us.

All these 4 years she has been doing like that. Also, whenever she comes, she ensures that she creates an environment (behind my back) which leads to my mother-in-law and other sister-in-law either fighting with me or getting annoyed. In the last 4 years, I have had fights with my other sister-in-law only twice and both time because of this one coming and saying rude things about me.

Now she is expecting her first child. All of a sudden she calls me up and tells that I will come and stay with you for 3 months after delivery. She also came for her baby shower to my place (self-invited) - just informed that she is coming, stayed, told us that she has invited her friends. I ended up doing all the work and even after that she passed on rude comments to me.

I feel she is using me like a door mat. She never bothered about even picking up the phone and saying hello all these years and now self-inviting herself and expecting me to do all the work for her baby and her delivery.

I hate myself for being put in such a situation. I want her to know that it is not OK to use others as and when you want and dump them later.

I need help, I am so stressed out. I need to first ensure that she doesn’t come to our house and I also want to show her that selfishness cannot always get you the results you want.

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Apr 27, 2015
Learn To Set Your Personal Boundaries
by: Dr. DeFoore

Hello - I was wondering why you didn't mention your husband in your story. After all it is his sister you're so upset about. He would be the most appropriate person to stand up to her, or at least to stand firm beside you as you set boundaries.

Your home is your domain, and no one has the right to announce that they will come there without your permission. You might try writing exactly what you want to say to her, and then rehearse speaking it until you're comfortable.

I don't know how you can do this without your husband's support, however. This might actually be a marriage issue.

Read this page on personal boundaries for more guidance.

Speak your truth and your desires. You are worthy of respect, especially in your home.

My best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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