My Pot Boileth Over!
I am not trying to deflect blame from myself, but I grew up in an angry house. My father was always screaming, breaking things and being abusive.
I've received black eyes and twice was beaten with a belt to the point I passed out and vomited. I was 11 years old, and one of the beatings occurred because I made a 69 on my report card.
That said, I seem to attract situations and I don't handle them well. I may handle one situation with poise and control, but then I lose it--and I mean LOSE IT later at a minor problem.
I almost feel like a redneck, trashy loser. I don't want y children to be exposed to this and thus continue the cycle of anger, melancholia, and dysfunction.
I've been to college, have gainful employment etc., but I so don't have it together.
I want to be known as a sweet and even-tempered lady. HELP!
Response from Dr. DeFoore
Hello Jackie, and thanks for telling your story here. It is so good that you are aware of your problems and reaching out for help. I can tell you're a good person, who was very badly abused as a child. I will try to help you.
I suggest you start by doing the journaling process described on this page. I know this may be hard, but writing in detail about all of your past trauma will help you. The only concern is that your abuse may have been so severe that writing about it will stir up some emotional processes that will be difficult for you to manage. If that occurs, I strongly encourage you to seek counseling.
As you write about your past trauma, use these imagery processes for emotional healing to bring healing to your heart and mind. The goodness inside you will be your source of healing in this process. You will also find the Nurturing Your Inner Child audio CD program to be very helpful for emotional healing.
It will also help you to manage your anger better by keeping an anger journal, as described in the journaling link. This gives your anger a safe, healthy outlet that can help you to become more conscious of it and to better control your emotions.
The positive journaling process (in link above) will also be very helpful to you. Be sure and watch the slide show at the end.
These are powerful tools, Jackie, that will help you tremendously if you use them. Of course, tools are useless if you don't use them. I have a strong feeling that you are someone who will do what it takes to get healthy and protect your children.
Believe in yourself, Jackie. Use these tools, and don't give up, and you'll reach your goals.
My very best to you,