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Over a month ago I was invited to go out to dinner with a friend and her girlfriend. I will call her Donna. We went to a pricey restaurant and enjoyed a very nice dinner. Before we ordered, I suggested getting separate checks. It was overlooked, and we continued with dinner.
Donna and her girlfriend ordered two drinks each, 2 appetizers and 2 dinners. I ordered two drinks and my dinner. When the bill came, my friend took out her card and paid and said get me later. The very next day I slipped a check in the amount of $60, one third of the bill. When I saw her I asked her if she got the check and she said yeah dude, thanks.
Yesterday morning over 30 days later, I received a text from Donna stating that she had lost the check and that I should give her $60 bucks in cash. At first I thought she was joking. I told her I'm sorry that she lost the check but I was not giving her the cash, besides she lost my personal information.
I was slightly upset because my personal information can be used by someone. She proceeded to call me selfish, and a cheap ____, and demanded that I pay her for the dinner. I suggested that since I would have to put a $25 stop payment on the check I would give her the difference of $35.
She refused, then threatened to tell my girlfriend some personal information I had shared with her. She made fun of the identity theft comment and told my girlfriend things I confided in her. She demanded the money stating that I was using a lame excuse not to pay her. It's not like I didn't pay her--I did. She lost the check, and that's her fault. She said I should have given her cash instead. Then went ahead and told my girlfriend what I had said to her about my relationship.
My girlfriend broke up with me and I have lost what I thought was a friend over $60 bucks. Why didn't she mention the check for cash earlier? I am hurt and angered. I want revenge. I want to let her skeletons out of the closet to get even. She made me out to be some cheap person. I'm kinda glad though. Not a friend I want to have.
Response from Dr. DeFoore
Hello, and thanks for telling your story here. From what you've written here, your feelings make perfect sense. And I agree, that's not someone you want as a friend.
Use this experience as contrast to what you want. What I mean is, think of what you want from your friends, and be that yourself. If you give into your desire for revenge, you're doing part of what she did, when she talked to your girlfriend about you.
Be the better person, that reflects the good person you really are inside. If your need for revenge is strong, write daily about it until the feelings subside, using the journaling process described on this page.
The best revenge is a happy life. Focus on the good in your life and look forward to better friendships in your future.
My very best to you,
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