My Husband Locked Me Out On Mothers Day
I married my husband of 13 years (2nd marriage), after my daughter graduated from college. I was 48 he was 51.
Before I knew it I had lost all my "single friends," retired from my job at his insistence, and did not have much contact with my family. My daughter moved 4 hrs away and I could not have any "girl time" alone with her.
I won't go into the violent, angry outbursts, name calling, typical controlling behaviors most abused women go through - or how I sometimes slept with a hammer under my pillow when he was mad at me.
His mood could change in a nano second, I was always trying to lighten the mood when he would say "I feel stressed." He felt stressed about a beautiful morning having coffee on the deck of our beautiful home surrounded by deer and wildlife.
Anyway, he told me to 'fix myself" because I was the problem in our marriage, so I went to counseling. 3 months later, my counseling gave me the courage to go spend Mothers Day with my daughter--a first in 13 years.
I came back that evening to new locks, both garage doors unplugged. I was locked out. I rang the doorbell, texted, called...no answer.
I moved my things out 4 days later (what I could get). I got a new phone number and I am trying to have no contact with him.
It's been 7 weeks but I struggle not to go back. If not for me, I know I have to end this for my daughter. It's good to have her back in my life, and to not be an invisible person, I can actually talk to people without being accused of flirting.
Like most, I don't know how I ended up in a relationship like that. Now I'm in my 60's and starting over with not much. He took me to court 8 yrs ago with a legal separation. I was stupid, didn't understand what it was because of all the emotional turmoil.
But I will survive it all, and be a better person I hope.
Response from Dr. DeFoore
Hello Kay, and thanks for telling your story here. I appreciate the honesty and integrity of what you've shared here. I think a lot of people can relate to what you've been through.
Your husband may have done you quite the favor by shutting you out of your home that day. It sounds like you have trouble letting go, and have a tendency to sacrifice what you want to please him. I encourage you to read about the letting go of a relationship. I hope you find something beneficial there.
It's very important at this point that you focus on creating a meaningful life for yourself. You can do it, if you just set your mind and heart to it. Give your daughter space to have her own life, and do your best to create an enjoyable existence for yourself.
And if you get involved with another man, Kay...do not give up anything for him. A healthy man who truly loves you will not want you to give up friends, job, and other relationships. Make up your mind to fulfill your hope of being a better person. That is entirely in your hands, and you can do it.
Believe in yourself and the goodness of your heart, and trust that all will go well for you.
My very best to you,
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