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My Friends And My Sister

by Diya
(India)



Hello, I have had a lot things bothering me these past few weeks. They are greatly to do with what happened in the past. They are good memories, bad memories and sometimes memories that I wish I could change.

The first memory and problem isn't really to do with revenge it's about how I can get past this memory. A year ago I was living with a few girls in a boarding school. It was going well so far until I started to get tired of them and their jokes and all about living with them.

One day I couldn't take the jokes anymore. I was angry and annoyed. I talked to my parents about the jokes. I think I really got tired of them. The problem was my anger kind of confused my problem or what I thought was the problem. So when I talked to my parents all I could think of was a joke they made about my skin that sounded racist, but it didn't bother me.

But as soon as I told my parents they were furious and called the principal about the joke. My friends were made to look like they were the bad guys and I was the victim. Ever since that day I feel I wish I could have changed the way I acted and dealt with the problem. I feel so guilty, angry confused and most of all ashamed and embarrassed that I told the wrong problem.

I also worry what they think of me now: the girl who was a tattletale, the girl who was stupid because she didn't even know her problem, the girl who was weak and too sensitive. I really want to go and talk to them but it's been more than a year now and I fear that they will think that I still haven't moved on from it. I also don't want to talk again it feels so awkward and I think I will get confused on how to explain what happened.



The other thing was sort of connected to revenge. I have had so many fights and arguments with my sister. So many situations where I believe that she might be changing for good and be nice forever but then she becomes mean. Like for example she talks and laughs with her friends about me when I am there, she talks as if I'm stupid, and she laughs at me.

I have this anger bottled up inside of me so that whenever I remember how I felt in those certain situations I feel angry sad and depressed. I feel as though I hate my sister. So I keep feeling this emptiness in my heart because all I can think of is revenge. I want to laugh at her or do something that she did to me to make her understand how it feels. I also keep making this fantasy of my friends all laughing at her and she is feeling hurt and embarrassed inside.

So I was wondering how to stop the memories making me depressed and how to stop wanting to make revenge on her.

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Oct 24, 2016
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Learn To Trust Your Emotions
by: Dr. DeFoore

Hello Diya, and thanks for your story. I encourage you to start practicing these journaling techniques. This will help to understand your own emotions better, and eventually you will learn to trust your own feelings.

Your anger, for example, at these girls and their jokes, was probably justified...particularly your anger about racist comments. I think you're caught between wanting to fit in with others, and wanting to be true to how you really feel.

Work on your connection with yourself, and by using all of the journaling practices, I think you'll find more self knowledge, self acceptance and self love starting to grow within you.

You can do this, Diya. Believe in the goodness and value in your heart.

My best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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