My Financial Struggles And My Anger
(Lenoir City, TN)
I am a proud father of two beautiful girls and married to a beautiful woman. I work hard for not enough money. We are always extremely tight on money.
It depresses me to the point of absolute lethargy and hatred for others. We struggle so much that it frustrates me to no end.
My temper is extremely short with everyone in my family. I know it’s got to be seriously hurting my girls. I yell at them, curse and threaten them. I love them so much but I can’t stop.
My wife and I are no longer intimate and it’s not her fault. Its me. I hate the life we have but there seems no relief. Our bills of late have been very nearly outweighing my income. I missed a few days of work so we are even shorter of money.
We’ve been using credit cards to supplement, which drives up the minimum payment and hurts us more and more. Everyday just seems to be worse than the last.
I find myself in fits of tears and sobs begging God to help. Asking where He is and why He would see us suffer this way. I just get more and more enraged because nothing changes.
The yelling and fighting and tension is always there. Its making me hate myself for they do not deserve this. We need help. I need help. I don’t want my family to hate me.
Response from Dr. DeFoore
Hello Michael, and thanks for telling your story here. You’re a good man, which is why you don’t like what you’re doing to your family. You fully acknowledge that you’re hurting them, and that it’s not their fault...that’s a good starting point. I’m glad you take responsibility, because only you can change your behavior.
I understand about financial pressure, and clearly you have a significant amount. You sound like an intelligent man, so I think you know that your financial struggles do not in any way justify your anger or abusiveness toward your family. While it may not seem so in your mind, they are separate issues.
I will address both, and hopefully this will be of some help for you.
First, address your anger issues and make up your mind that you will treat your family with love and respect, regardless of what you may be going through financially. That is essential as a first step. Follow all of the recommendations on this page, and do each exercise as directed. This will give you some relief from your anger, and provide you with a way of processing your emotions without taking them out on others.
You can do this, Michael. Make up your mind to be the good man, husband and father you truly are. Your anger is your to deal with alone, and now you have some tools.
Regarding your finances, I encourage you to shift your focus from what is wrong to what is right, from what you don’t like to what you do like. While break-even finances and credit card debt are far from ideal, you still must acknowledge that you are fortunate to have income at all. Many don’t. You may not believe this, but if you start to focus on what is good, right and working in your life, you will start to see things improve. It is partly your anger and negative focus that are making things worse for you.
I know these are not easy answers, Michael. But they are the best I have for you at this time, and I do believe that you can use your good mind and heart to make a positive difference for yourself and your family.
My very best to you,
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