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My Fiance Has An Anger Issue And It's Getting Worse

by Piper

My fiance and I have been together for 8 years. We have been through almost everything imaginable. He has always had a temper. He gets mad easily. Lately he has been blowing up a lot.

He gets mad at almost nothing and I hate it. He never hits me or anything he just says really mean stuff and says he is going to leave or tells me to get out. I do love him and want to continue our life together, I just am not sure I can take it any more.

The latest mean thing he has said involves the kids. I have 4 and he has 1. My kids biological father has not had anything to do with them for almost 10 years and my fiance has taken on the dad role with my kids as well as his own.

Anyway he has started telling me when he is in one of his moods that he is only here because of the kids. Can anyone help?

Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello Piper, and thanks for telling your story here. I'm glad you're asking for help.

I want you to consider that love without respect is not love. It sounds like you are not being respected by your fiance. The kind of treatment you describe is abusive, and verbal abuse can be as damaging as physical abuse. The most important thing is that you are in a safe situation, and that you are treated with respect. The love you feel is not healthy, unless you are being respected.

By staying with him and acting like things are normal, you are sending him the message that his treatment of you is acceptable. You say you're not sure if you can take it any more. That's good. Don't take it any more.

Also, your fiance should not be in a dad role with your children, not while he is treating you (their mom) so badly.

Protect yourself and protect your children. You are in a battered woman syndrome, even though the "battering" is verbal.

You need to love and care for yourself. Work on increasing your self esteem. You need to love yourself enough that you will not allow anyone to treat you badly.

I also have a web page that will be helpful: how to deal with abusive relationships

The only hope there is for your relationship with your fiance is if he takes full responsibility for his anger and gets some serious help

Believe in yourself, Piper. Put yourself first, for your own sake and the sake of your children.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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